Ease My Mind
by MaliciousScampers
Summary: Sonny Moore is a depressed teen, bullied by his childhood friend Joel Zimmerman. What will happen when they're paired up for a project? Will they grow closer or drift further apart? Will Joel keep bullying poor Sonny? Skrillmau5 slash. High School AU. (Warning inside)
1. Project

**A/N: Just giving a warning right now that this story will contain mentions of self-harm, drug use, suicide, homophobia, and sex. Turn back now if any of those bother you. Thank you.**

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Sonny Moore wasn't your average sixteen year old. He was a quiet, shy boy while the other boys his age were loud and very outgoing. Sonny was made fun of a lot for this – something he couldn't help. Sonny was just quiet and shy by nature. He tried so many times in his life to be louder and more open, but he just couldn't do it. He was afraid to speak up – and for that, he was bullied a lot.

Little Sonny rushed through the halls in school, hoping not to run into his once childhood friend Joel Zimmerman. Joel and Sunny used to be great friends when they were little, but then something changed. In junior high school, Sonny noticed that Joel was talking to him less and less and eventually, he stopped talking to him until the eighth grade. One day in the eighth grade, Joel had slammed Sonny into the poor boy's locker and laughed at him when he cried.

"_J…Joel! Let me out!" Sonny cried, banging on the locker door._

"_Go fuck yourself, faggot," Joel laughed and walked away with his friends, leaving poor Sonny alone._

"_Why are you doing this to me?!" The raven-haired preteen wailed loudly, "I thought we were friends!"_

Sonny shivered at the horrible memory and entered his last class of the day – English. The teen found his seat in the back of the classroom and sat down, opening up his notebook. This was the only class he had Joel in and to be honest, he was scared to death to see his childhood friend. Usually after class, especially on Fridays since the teacher would leave early, Joel would keep Sonny back and punch him a few times.

Sonny looked up at where Joel usually sat, only to find the short-haired teen laughing with his "friends." Sonny frowned. He wanted the old Joel back – the Joel that never hit him, who never said nasty things to him, who actually still cared about him. That Joel was long gone and poor little Sonny almost started to cry at that thought, but the teacher snapped him back to reality.

"Okay, class. Today, we are going to work on a big project. This will be your final before winter break, so listen closely because if you fail this, you will basically fail this class," the old lady spoke at the front of the class, placing a piece of gray hair behind her ear.

"For this project, you will have partners –"

Before the teacher could continue, she was interrupted by the students chattering – excited that they could have partners for this project.

"–but I will be choosing who you will be partnered with," the teacher smirked as she watched the students groan in annoyance.

"But first, I will explain what the project is. For this project, you will have to read Julius Caesar and answer these worksheets," the teacher held up a big pack of worksheets. She sighed as more students groaned in annoyance.

"I know, I know. It's a lot of work," she said, putting the packet back on her desk, "that's why I'm partnering you all up. Now, I will tell you who your partners are."

Sonny listened carefully, hoping that he was paired with someone nice. He didn't know anyone else in the class besides Joel, despite being in the class for a whole semester. He was glad that he read Julius Caesar last year on his own. He understood most of the story, so he could easily answer the questions on his own if he needed to.

"– and Sonny More and Joel Zimmerman."

Sonny stared at the teacher in fear as she called his and Joel's names. He was partnered up with Joel? This wasn't going to be good.

The black-haired teen looked over to Joel, who was glaring at him. Joel's friends were also glaring at Sonny.

_Yikes!_

Sonny immediately looked back down at his notebook, his cheeks turning red in embarrassment.

"Now, I know how you all can't wait to get together with your partners, so you all will be spending the rest of the class working on the project," the teacher said, handing out the question packets.

"You may now pair up with your partner," the teacher walked over to her desk as she finished handing out the packets.

The room was filled with the sound of chairs scraping against the floor and chattering of classmates. Out of the corner of his eye, Sonny saw a desk being pulled next to his. He kept his gaze on his notebook as the person who moved their desk next to his sat down in it.

"Hey, faggot, look up."

Sonny winced at the harsh words and looked up at his partner sitting next to him.

"You better know a lot about Julius Caesar because I have better things to do than waste my life on some stupid project," Joel said, plopping his own question packet on Sonny's desk, right on his notebook.

"I'll… I'll take care of it," Sonny stuttered, not wanting to put up a fight with his partner.

"Good. You better get me a fucking one hundred on that project, too, or I'll pound your goddamn face in," Joel threatened.

Sonny held back a whimper and nodded, knowing that Joel would actually keep his word. The terrified teen opened up both question packets and began answering the questions. He could feel Joel's stare burning onto his face.

"Hey, we didn't even finish Julius Caesar yet. How do you know that?" Joel asked irritably.

Sonny looked at the question he was answering. It asked what Julius Caesar said as he was stabbed by his so called "friend" Brutus. The answer was obviously, "Et tu, Brute?" Sonny had thought almost everyone had known this, but apparently, Joel didn't.

"Yeah, I read Julius Caesar last year," Sonny muttered.

"Hey, speak up, faggot. I didn't fucking hear you," Joel said, smacking Sonny upside the head.

The black-haired teen winced and held back tears as his childhood friend hit him upside the head.

"I… I said I read Julius Caesar last year," Sonny said, speaking up a bit louder so Joel could hear him.

"Is that all you fucking do, you stupid faggot? Just read all day like you did when you were a kid? Pathetic," Joel scoffed.

Sonny couldn't help but let a few tears out and roll down his face at the harsh words. See, Sonny could handle the physical beatings, shoving into lockers, punches, even Joel spitting at him, but he could not handle all the emotional abuse.

Luckily, the bell rang and the students began to walk out of the classroom, happily talking to their friends.

Sonny picked up his things and tried to rush out of the classroom, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Did I say you could leave?" a harsh voice said. Sonny turned around to find no one other than Joel.

"You're crying? Fuck, you're still the same goddamn crybaby from ten years ago, aren't you?" Joel laughed. He slammed Sonny against the wall by his arm. He yelled out in pain.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you that weak?!" Joel exclaimed, "Anyways, you're coming to my house so I can make sure you're doing the project. I can't fucking fail – I have to make it to my senior year. Five pm. You know where my house is."

With that, Joel let go of Sonny and walked out of the classroom.

Sonny let out more tears as he carefully grabbed his arm that Joel gripped onto earlier. He pulled up his hoodie sleeve to find that the word "faggot" on his arm, which he carved into himself the night before, was now open again and bleeding through his hoodie.

"Dammit," Sonny muttered, pulling his sleeve down.

He walked out of the classroom with his things and immediately went into the one-stall men's bathroom down the hallway. He closed and locked the door behind him and pulled up his hoodie sleeve. The teen turned on the water and put his arm under the stream. He winced at the stinging sensation.

Once he thought his arm was cleaned off enough, Sonny immediately pulled out the bandages from his backpack and wrapped up his wound. He applied pressure it as hard as he could so it would stop bleeding. He couldn't believe that Joel had gripped his arm hard enough to make his cuts start bleeding again.

Sonny carved that nasty word into his arm last night during a panic attack. He had thought too much about the hurtful words Joel would say to him, especially the word "faggot." That word hurt Sonny the most and Joel knew that, which is why he would constantly call Sonny a faggot. It hurt Sonny so much because he was actually gay. Now, Joel didn't know he was gay, but if he did, may God have mercy on Sonny's soul.

The black-haired teen pulled his hoodie sleeve down and grabbed his backpack, walking out of the bathroom. He sighed of relief once he saw that the hallway was empty. It meant he didn't have to deal with Joel. Sonny made his way out of the school and began to walk home.

Sonny pulled open the door to the small apartment he shared with his mom and closed the door behind him.

"Mom, I'm home!" Sonny called, walking into the kitchen.

"Hey, honey," a woman looked at him and smiled. She was Sonny's mother – 32 years old and still looking as young and beautiful as ever. She had wavy, long black hair like her son, but her eyes were a piercing, icy blue color. She was a short five feet while Sonny was five feet and four inches. He was pretty self-conscious about his height, but being taller than his mom boosted up his confidence slightly.

"Hey, mom," Sonny smiled softly at his mother and gave her a hug. Sonny loved his mother so much – she was such a strong, caring person and she gave Sonny the strength he needed.

"How was your day at school?" Sonny's mom asked, hugging her son back and then turning her attention back to the dinner she was cooking.

"It was good," Sonny lied. He hated lying to his mother, but she already had so much stress – work, money, worrying about if Sonny ate or not. The last thing she needed to worry about were some petty bullies bullying her son.

"Hey, mom, do you remember Joel?"

"Yes, I do. You two were inseparable when you guys were small children," Sonny's mother smiled, looking up at her son.

"Well, I was paired up with him for a project in English class, so I was going to go over to his house at five if that would be okay," Sonny said, hoping that his mother would be okay with this.

"Oh, baby! This will be your first time going to a friend's house in years. Of course it's okay. I have to work tonight from ten to seven, so I might not be home when you get home," Sonny's mother stated.

"Thanks, mom," Sonny smiled, then looked at the clock, "it's four thirty already?!"

Sonny's mother looked at the clock as well. "Oh my, I guess it is! You should get going, hon."

"I will. Have a nice day at work," Sonny said, giving his mom another hug.

"Thank you, honey. Have fun at Joel's house," she replied, hugging her child back.

"I will, don't worry," Sonny smiled and gripped onto his backpack straps. He walked over to the front door.

_I'll try…_

"Do you have your cell phone with you?" Sonny lifted his head up to look at his mom.

"Yes, mom."

"Is it charged?"

"Yes, mom."

"Do you have your charger with you?"

"Yes, mom."

Sonny's mother walked up to him.

"Yes, mom! Yes, mom!" she mimicked, giving a small chuckle. Sonny chuckled as well.

"Have fun, baby," she said, holding the door open for her. Sonny thanked her and left the house.

_I hope this goes well…_


	2. Reunited

Sonny knew his way to Joel's house. After all, the two teens used to spend every day together at Joel's house when they were children. Sonny had always envied the other teen's house though because it was an actual spacious house and he had been living there for as long as Sonny could remember. During his childhood, Sonny and his mother would always be moving from apartment to apartment because his mother's job never paid her enough to help her be able to keep the apartment they were staying in at the time. There were even times when they would have to stay at a homeless shelter for a few weeks until his mother could find an affordable apartment.

Sonny frowned. Those were really bad times.

As the black-haired teen kept walking, he ended up in Joel's neighborhood. He looked around at the scenery and sighed, reliving old memories that he wished he could go back to.

Sonny saw the small neighborhood park where he and Joel first met.

_Little six-year-old Sonny was sitting on the park bench beside his mother, reading a book and ignoring the other kids running around in the playground area._

"_Sonny, why don't you go play with the other kids?" his mother flashed him a sweet smile._

_Sonny looked up from his book. "The other kids won't like me."_

"_You don't know that, sweetie. Just go try, okay?"_

_Sonny sighed, but obeyed his mother's wishes. He put down his copy of Goosebumps: Welcome to Dead House beside his seat on the bench and walked over to the playground area. He found a swing set and sat down on one of the swings._

_Sonny was annoyed to say the least. He didn't want to waste his time playing with the other kids when he could just read his book. He loved reading books so much because it took him away from all of the bad things in his life. His books didn't bully him, tell him that he had to move to a different apartment yet again, nor did the books judge him being an introvert._

"_Hey, you're new here," a voice spoke up._

_Sonny looked up from the ground to his left to see a boy with short blond hair and sharp green eyes. He was wearing a Pokémon baseball cap and an orange t-shirt._

"_My mom and I just moved here," Sonny whispered._

_The boy frowned. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."_

"_I said 'My mom and I just moved here,'" Sonny said a bit louder._

"_Oh, cool! Do you live close by?"_

"_We live over there," Sonny pointed to a cheap looking apartment complex just down the road._

_Sonny was always told by his mother to never tell a stranger where he lives, but he figured that telling a stranger who was around his age where he lived was okay._

"_Hey, I live close by, too! That's my house!" the boy pointed to a brick house a few houses away from the park._

"_I'm Joel!" the boy smiled and held his hand out to Sonny._

"_I'm Sonny," Sonny said. He hesitated before nervously shaking Joel's hand._

"_Nice to meet you, Sonny! I hope we can be best friends!"_

"Best friends…" Sonny muttered out loud.

The teen ended up walking into a door. He looked up and his cheeks flushed in embarrassment. He was so deep into his thoughts that he didn't even notice that he was already on Joel's front porch. Sonny had to breathe deeply and relax before he could knock on the door.

Sonny thought he was going to piss himself as he waited for someone to open the door. It had been so long since he visited Joel. Now that Joel was bullying him, he honestly didn't want to be here – even though this was his favorite place to be when he was little.

Sonny heard loud footsteps running to the front door. The door was swung open and the person inside the house immediately frowned when they saw poor little Sonny on the doorstep, looking as terrified as ever.

"Get in here, fag. My dad isn't home right now, so just go straight up to my room," Joel sighed.

Sonny nodded and rushed upstairs and turned left. He reached the door at the end of the hall and almost smiled when he saw the "No Girlz Alowd!" sign on the door that he and Joel made when Sonny was about seven-years old and Joel eight-years old.

"_Girls are so gross!" Joel exclaimed, putting down his Super Nintendo controller. He looked away from his TV screen and faced Sonny, who of course had his nose in a book._

_Sonny looked up from his book and nodded in agreement._

"_We should make a sign for my door saying 'No girls allowed!'" Joel smiled and walked over to his small desk. He picked up a piece of paper and some markers._

"_Come over here and help me make the sign!" Joel said, tugging Sonny away from his bed._

_Sonny frowned as he dropped his book, but paid attention to Joel and the silly art project anyways._

Sonny didn't know whether or not it would be acceptable to sit down on Joel's bed, so he just stood up, clutching onto the straps on his backpack. He looked around the room and noticed that almost nothing had changed – with the exception of a couple of swimsuit model posters. Joel even had his Super Nintendo in front of his TV just like in the good days – the days when Joel and Sonny were best friends.

Sonny was pulled back to reality when he heard the bedroom door close. He looked over to see Joel with what looked like a bunch of rolled up paper in his hands.

"Since my dad isn't home, I'm going to smoke a few blunts. Get to work, faggot," Joel said. He opened the bedroom window and sat down on the windowsill.

Sonny sat on the floor and opened up his backpack. He grimaced once he caught scent of Joel's burning blunt, but quickly ignored it and turned his attention back to the school work.

"How's your mom?" Joel spoke up after about twenty minutes of silence.

"What?" Sonny asked, surprised that Joel would talk to him without insulting him.

"I said, 'how's your mom,' you fucking retard," Joel snapped.

"She's good, I guess. She works at Denny's now as a waitress," Sonny said as he answered one of the questions from the small workbook.

"Thanks for the heads up. My friends and I go there to smoke weed all the time," Joel said after he let out a puff of smoke.

Sonny simply nodded and pulled his copy of Julius Caesar out of his backpack. He also accidentally pulled out his bandages, but didn't notice until Joel pointed it out.

"Why the hell do you have bandages in your backpack?"

Sonny's eyes widened in fear as he quickly shoved them back into his backpack.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Sonny said a bit too quickly as he zipped up his backpack.

_Smooth, Sonny._

Joel put out his blunt and climbed off of the windowsill. He walked over towards Sonny.

"You've always been a horrible liar, you know that?" he stated, snatching Sonny's backpack.

"Hey, give that back!" Sonny exclaimed. There was so much adrenaline rushing through his system that he didn't even care that Joel might punch him in the face for standing up for himself.

Surprisingly, Joel just ignored Sonny and opened up the backpack, dumping its contents onto his bedroom floor.

The bandages fell on the floor first, then a few pieces of paper, a couple of text books, and finally, a small drawstring baggie fell on top of the pile.

"Oh ho-ho, what do we have here? Drugs?" Joel asked as he picked up the baggie. The sound of thin metal clinking against each other came from the baggie.

"Tsk, tsk, Sonny. I never thought you'd be the type of person to do coke–" Joel's face automatically fell when he saw blood-stained razors in the baggie instead of clean razors and cocaine.

He turned to face Sonny.

"You–You're emo?" Joel laughed a bit nervously, but Sonny didn't catch onto it.

"I'm not emo," Sonny grumbled. That was his second most hated word – the first obviously being 'fag/faggot.'

"Let me see your arms," Joel said, grabbing Sonny's arms.

"L–Let go of me!" Sonny exclaimed, trying to get away from Joel.

Unfortunately, Joel was a lot stronger than Sonny, so he was able to keep his grip on the panicked teen. He rolled up Sonny's left sleeve and studied the bandages on his arm.

"I bet you don't even cut that deep, you emo poser. Let's see how horrible these little scratches are," Joel teased, his tone making him seem panicked.

Sonny again, paid no attention to this because he was trying his hardest to get away from Joel. Joel tore off the bandages.

Sonny winced in pain, but stopped struggling. It was no use and it was too late anyway. Joel was probably going to tell the whole school about Sonny's self-harm, which will only result into more bullying. Then, the teachers would find out and tell the principal, who would call Sonny's mother and tell her about it. Sonny's mother is the last person he wanted to know about his cutting addiction.

Joel's face fell again and his mouth almost dropped to the floor as he saw a huge bloody mess on Sonny's arm. Bruises outlined numerous deep cuts and dried blood was all over his arm. But what caught Joel's attention the most was the big, fat carving of "FAGGOT" right in the middle of Sonny's arm, which started bleeding again.

By now, Sonny's face was covered in tears.

"Pl–please let go," Sonny begged as he choked on his own tears.

Joel only tightened his grip on Sonny's arm.

"No, you're bleeding. Come into the bathroom with me," Joel said with a surprising amount of worry in his voice.

Sonny's eyes widened in surprise when he heard Joel speak to him with such a caring tone. He allowed Joel to drag him into the bathroom down the hallway.

Joel sat Sonny down on the toilet and then proceeded to wet a cloth from the pantry in the bathroom. He knelt beside Sonny. Joel placed the wet cloth over his arm and applied pressure to it. Sonny winced from the stinging pain.

"When did you do this?" Joel spoke up.

"Last night…"

"Was I the reason you did this?"

Sonny stayed silent as Joel looked up at him.

Joel grabbed Sonny's shoulder with his other hand and started to shake him.

"WAS I THE REASON YOU FUCKING CUT YOURSELF?!" Joel screamed as if his life depended on the answer.

Sonny let a few tears slide down his face as he quickly nodded.

"Oh fuck…" Joel said as he pulled his hand away from Sonny's shoulder. He gripped onto his own hair, obviously stressed out by the silent answer Sonny had given him.

"Why are you worried about it? You hit me all the time, it's no big deal," Sonny muttered.

Joel sighed and removed his other hand from Sonny's arm. Fortunately, the cuts weren't bleeding anymore. He walked over to the pantry and grabbed the first-aid kit, then knelt beside Sonny again.

"My mom was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was thirteen," Joel said as he wiped down Sonny's arm with an anti-bacterial pad.

"She was so depressed that she had to quit working her job and she had to go to therapy twice a week," Joel wrapped up Sonny's arm with the bandages he found in the first-aid kit.

"The medication her psychiatrist prescribed her only made her depression worse. She ended up killing herself in the bathtub right beside us. She slit her wrists open and because of the blood-thinners her other doctor prescribed her. The bleeding didn't stop," Joel had to pause his story to catch his breath.

Sonny looked Joel in the eyes and saw tears forming in them. Sonny could feel himself crying as he watched his childhood friend cry. Joel Zimmerman – the boy who never cried – was crying right in front of Sonny right now and Sonny honestly couldn't believe what he was witnessing.

Joel had caught his breath and began talking again. "The police said that she didn't die a very painful death, but I think they were only saying that to make us feel better. I know for a fact that she died a very painful death. I saw her face as the paramedics rushed her out of the bathtub – I could never forget that look on her face.

"Her face was pale and her eyes and mouth were wide open. It looked like she was trying to scream, but nothing came out. It just made me think back to whenever I had given her a hard time. Oh, God, I just wanted to take all of that back. I had never felt guiltier in my life," Joel sobbed, his tears keeping him from saying anymore.

Sonny wiped away his own tears and did something that he never thought he would ever be able to do again – he hugged Joel.

Joel held onto Sonny and cried into his shoulder for a few good minutes before pulling away.

"Promise me you'll never cut yourself again, Sonny. I can't let that happen to someone else. Please."

"I won't, I promise," Sonny said.

To be honest, he wasn't sure if he could keep that promise or not, but seeing Joel like this – he didn't want to make things worse.

"So is that why we stopped talking in junior high?" Sonny asked, looking Joel in the eyes.

"That's part of the reason. After my mom's death, I fell into a state of depression. I met a guy at school who offered me some weed to buy. I was desperate for an escape, so I accepted his offer and smoked it with him on the school roof during lunch. I hung out with him and his friends and one day, they were talking shit about you.

"One of the guys said, 'aren't you friends with that weird faggot Sonny?' Obviously, I said no because I wanted to look cool in front of them. Then, we planned a prank to push you into your locker before the last class of the day. After I did that, I felt so much power, Sonny. You have no idea. I felt like I was on top of the world again.

"And then I began to believe in what they were saying about you being a nerdy faggot. Sonny, I am so fucking sorry. I didn't think that it would lead to this," Joel looked at Sonny's bandaged arm.

"It's okay…" Sonny muttered.

"No, it's not okay! I caused you to do this!" Joel almost yelled, "I won't ever call you that again. I can't believe this, Sonny. I just…"

Joel couldn't finish his sentence due to the tears running down his face again. Sonny frowned at this site. Of course he thought of bad things happening to Joel because of all the bullying – doesn't everyone think about bad things happening to their bully? – But Sonny couldn't stand the site of his childhood friend crying a river right in front of him.

"Can we be friends again?" Sonny spoke up.

"What?" Joel looked up at Sonny, completely caught off-guard from the random question.

"I miss you, Joel. I miss coming here almost every day and hanging out with you. I miss having a friend. You and my mom are my only friends and I really want you back."

Joel stared at Sonny in shock, but quickly relaxed.

"Sure, we can be friends again."


	3. Meowingtons

The two teens were in Joel's kitchen, enjoying a couple slices of pizza after a very emotional event. Sonny was surprised that he had about twenty-five percent of the project finished. He saw on the board at school that it wasn't due for another two weeks, so he figured that he would get the project done in no time.

"Here's my number," Joel said, scribbling his number down on a napkin and giving it to Sonny.

"Thanks," Sonny put the number inside of his pocket as he finished his slice of pizza.

"Text or call me anytime you need me, okay?"

Sonny nodded. "Joel, I'm happy you're my friend again, but it's so strange how you just did a complete one-eighty."

Joel sighed. "I didn't know how serious it was, Sonny. Once I saw your arm, I knew I'd gone too far. I realized that I was being stupid and immature and I don't think I could ever forgive myself for what I caused you to do. I just… I just don't want you to end up like my mom."

"I understand," Sonny stated. He rummaged through his backpack to see if he had everything.

His heart almost stopped.

"Joel… where's my small bag?" Sonny asked.

"You mean this one?" Joel smirked, holding up the little drawstring bag which Sonny kept his razors in.

"Yeah, that one…" Sonny trailed off, not knowing how to ask for it back.

"You're not getting this back. I'm not letting you hurt yourself again."

"What are you going to do with them?"

"This," Joel stood up from his seat and walked to the trashcan, emptying Sonny's razors into it.

Sonny's chest felt heavy as he felt his heart sank. His razors gave him comfort when he had nowhere else to turn. But Joel did tell him to call or text him anytime he needed him. Maybe he could live without his razors.

"Meow!"

Sonny gasped from surprise and looked down to see a black and white tuxedo cat snuggling against his legs. Sonny automatically smiled as he bent down from his seat to pet the cat.

"You still have Meowingtons?" Sonny asked, completely surprised.

"Of course I do!" Joel laughed and sat back down next to Sonny at the kitchen table.

_Little Joel and Sonny were playing around on the playground at the park when suddenly, they heard a feint meow._

"_Did you hear that?" Sonny asked as he stopped chasing Joel around._

_Joel stopped running. "Hear what?"_

"_Meow!"_

"_That," Sonny said, pointing to the bushes where he thought the noise was coming from._

"_It sounds like a kitty!" Joel said, rushing up to the bushes._

"_Joel, don't run! Cats are very skittish," Sonny scolded Joel as he walked up to the bushes slowly._

_The dark-haired child got on his knees to get a better view of the cat. Sonny frowned at the site. A poor, defenseless kitten was trying to stand up, but kept falling down._

"_Poor thing," Sonny frowned._

"_What are you boys up to?"_

_Joel and Sonny immediately turned their attention to the voice, which belonged to Joel's mother._

"_We found a kitty and it looks really hurt!" Sonny frowned._

"_Oh, really now?" Joel's mother asked, getting on her knees and looking through the bushes at the cat._

"_Oh, poor thing," she cooed, gently picking the cat up, "we should take him to the vet."_

_And so they did._

_It turned out that the kitten – who was a boy – had sprained his arm. From what, the vet didn't know. The kitten was healthy and ready to go home after staying at the vet for about a week._

"_Mommy, can we keep him?" Joel asked, petting the purring kitten in his arms._

"_It looks like he's already attached to you, so we really have no choice now," Joel's mother laughed._

"_Oh, let's name him 'Meowingtons!'" Sonny smiled and pet the kitten's head._

"_Meowingtons? That's a strange name… but I like it!" Joel exclaimed._

"Wow, Meowingtons must be really old by now," Sonny chuckled and scratched the cat behind his ear, earning a loud purr from the happy kitty.

"Yeah, he is," Joel smiled, "how did you come up with the name Meowingtons anyway?"

Sonny shrugged. "I don't know. It just popped in my head."

Sonny looked at the clock on his phone, which read "9:42PM." Sonny gaped as he saw the time. Was he really gone that long? Time sure does fly when you're having an emotional reunion with your childhood best friend.

"I think I should be heading home now. It's getting pretty late and my mom's about to leave for work soon," Sonny muttered.

"Alright, you need a ride, fa–Sonny?" Joel frowned as he almost called his childhood friend the word that upset him the most.

Sonny frowned. "No, it's alright. I'll just walk."

"It's raining outside, though."

As if on cue, a huge crack of thunder waved through the house and the power immediately turned off.

"Goddammit!" a voice shouted from the living room.

The owner of the voice walked inside the kitchen and saw the two boys sitting at the kitchen table. The owner of the voice – a man who looked to be in his mid to late 40s – smiled once he laid eyes on Sonny.

"Sonny, boy, it's been so long since I've seen you! Come give me a hug!" the man laughed.

Sonny smiled back and got up from his seat, giving the man a hug.

"It's nice to see you, Mr. Zimmerman," Sonny said.

"It's nice to see you, too, Sonny! I missed you! How have you been?"

"I've been… good," Sonny quickly lied. He didn't like lying, but he'd rather lie than make people sad with the truth.

"How's your mom doing?"

"She's okay. She has a job at Denny's now as a waitress."

"That must be an interesting job," Mr. Zimmerman laughed. "It's kind of late, though. Even though it's been wonderful seeing you, shouldn't you be home right now?"

"I was actually just about to leave," Sonny chuckled nervously. He'd never been good with conversations with adults. It was just too awkward for him.

Mr. Zimmerman looked up from Sonny to his son. "Joel, give him a ride home. It's raining cats and dogs out there and I don't want him walking in that."

Joel nodded and hopped off of his seat. He quickly opened the front door of the house and almost slammed it shut once he and Sonny were outside.

"Are you okay? You kind of rushed out here," Sonny said, following Joel to his car.

"Yeah, I just didn't want to stay too long or else he would've smelled the weed on me," Joel opened the car door on the driver's side and sat down.

Sonny sat down in the passenger seat and buckled in his seat belt. Joel put the car in forward and proceeded to speed off without buckling his own seat belt.

_For someone who's so worried about me cutting, he sure likes to live dangerously._ Sonny mentally chuckled.

"Where do you live?" Joel asked, not taking his eyes off the road.

"Just keep going straight until you reach an apartment complex on the right with a big red sign at the entrance."

Joel nodded and slammed his foot on the gas pedal. Sonny gripped onto the assist handle above him for dear life.

"For fuck's sake, do you always drive like this in bad weather?!" Sonny gasped as Joel took a sharp turn into the apartment complex.

"Yes," Joel smiled sheepishly, "and I've never even gotten a ticket before."

Sonny was very surprised by this. He would've suspected Joel to get his license taken away if this was how he always drove.

"What's your apartment number?"

"Three-o-eight."

Joel nodded and drove in front of the correct apartment.

"We hope you enjoyed your ride. Please remove your seat belt and gather your belongings," Joel said in a mock ride attendant voice.

Sonny chuckled a bit. He was feeling better already.

"I'll see you at school on Monday," Joel said, unlocking the car doors.

"See ya," Sonny waved goodbye as he gripped onto the straps of his backpack and exited the car.

The black-haired teen walked underneath the porch above his apartment door as he watched Joel speed off.

"You're going to get hurt one day, Joel. Or at least get a ticket," Sonny chuckled to himself and took out his house key. He unlocked the door and came face to face with his mother.

"Excuse me, honey. I gotta get to work now. Love you, bye!" Sonny's mother said in a rushed tone. She quickly kissed her son's head and ran to her car. Sonny watched as she quickly drove off. Thankfully, she wasn't going as fast as Joel was.

Sonny walked into his apartment and closed the door behind him, locking it. He went straight into his room and laid his backpack down on the floor. He turned his attention to the laptop on his bed and smiled. It had taken Sonny forever to save up for his laptop, but he finally managed to do it after a long time of saving up his lunch money and doing yard work around the neighborhood for cash.

Sonny opened up his laptop and began to play Wish by Nine Inch Nails on low volume from his iTunes library. He placed the laptop down on the floor. The teen lay back down on his bed and laid his arms on his stomach. He stared at the ceiling as his mind began to replay everything that happened today – from when he ate his breakfast of corn flakes this morning to when Joel dropped him off at his house.

_What if Joel's bullshitting all of this? What if he's pulling a prank on me? Oh god, I need my razors NOW._

Sonny began to panic once he realized that he didn't have his razors with him anymore thanks to Joel throwing them away. What a selfish jerk – he didn't even ask Sonny if he wanted him to throw away his razors. Joel had always ruined his mood and now he had taken away his only escape from reality.

He rushed into his bathroom and pulled the medicine cabinet open. He found the hiding spot for his backup razor – a folded up piece of toilet paper. Sonny immediately grabbed the razor, nicking his fingertips in the process. Sonny winced at the sudden stinging pain.

The panicked teen stared at the razor in his now bleeding fingers. Did he really want to cause more pain to his body? What if he does end up like Joel's mother and his own mother comes home to find him dead in the bathroom?

No, it wasn't going to happen. That obviously never happened to him before, so why would this be any different? He needed this release. He needed to feel the sharp, stinging pain again.

Rolling up his sleeve, Sonny lightly pressed the razor down on his arm. Right when he was about to make his first cut, a crack of thunder echoed throughout the whole house. Sonny jumped from the sudden crack of thunder, making him accidentally slice the razor deep into his skin, all the way down to his wrist.

Sonny screamed out in pain as blood quickly pooled out of the blue line in his arm.

His eyes widened in surprise.

_I HIT A VEIN!_

Sonny watched in horror as the blood from his arm quickly pooled around him in the floor. He instantly became light-headed and fell down on his knees. The teen slipped in his blood and ended up lying sideways on the bathroom floor.

"Oh god, someone save me!" Sonny screamed loudly.

He didn't want to die right now – he just wanted a release. He wanted to feed his addiction.

"_Here's my number. Text or call me anytime you need me, okay?"_

As those words echoed through Sonny's head, he contemplated on whether or not to call Joel. He was the cause of this, after all. Joel was the reason he started cutting himself.

_Sonny Moore ran home one gloomy, rainy day after being bullied yet again by none other than Joel Zimmerman. He couldn't take it anymore – he needed an escape. Little Sonny didn't want to die, but he didn't want to live in reality either. As soon as he got home, he sighed of relief once he realized that his mother wasn't home due to the fact that the house was extremely silent._

_Sonny ran into the bathroom and wailed loudly._

"_Why does my best friend hate me?!" he screamed through his tears._

_He looked around the room when he spotted a shaving razor on top of the toilet tank lid. Then he remembered back to earlier today when Joel would ask him if he had taken a razor to his wrists yet._

_Poor little Sonny didn't know what he was getting himself into as he broke apart the shaving razor and made his first cut on his wrist with it._

_Sonny couldn't believe how relaxing it felt. It felt like he was releasing all of his emotions._

_And from then on, Sonny was hooked on an addiction that would change his life forever._

Sonny decided that to save his life and to not have his mother crying at his funeral anytime soon, he would call Joel to come to his rescue. He just hoped that his friend would answer.

Sonny grabbed the napkin with Joel's phone number out of his pocket, along with his cell phone. He slowly dialed the number as he started to hyperventilate once his vision started getting darker and darker.

"Hey, who's this?" the voice picked up on the other line.

"Joel… I… I need help…" Sonny mumbled, trying to hold onto his consciousness.

"Sonny? What's wrong?" Joel asked in a worried tone.

"I'm going to die… I don't want to die…" Sonny sobbed into the phone.

"What the hell is going on?!" Joel demanded loudly.

"I'm losing… blood. I… cut…"

Sonny was consumed by darkness before he could finish his sentence.

"SONNY!"

**A/N: Sorry to leave you all on a cliffhanger, but yolo, am I right?**


	4. Hospital

**Joel's POV**

Seventeen year old Joel Zimmerman drove as fast as he could to his childhood friend Sonny's house after calling 911. He couldn't believe that Sonny had already broken his promise – it hadn't even been a full day yet! Nonetheless, Joel was still going to be by Sonny's side. He couldn't let him end up like his mother.

Once Joel parked into the parking lot of Sonny's apartment, he exited the car and slammed the door shut. An ambulance had already arrived and the door to Sonny's apartment was wide open.

_Damn, that was fast._

Joel could feel his stomach drop as he saw paramedics rushing poor – and hopefully passed out and not dead– Sonny Moore on a gurney and into the ambulance. It was just like when he watched his mother pass away four years ago.

_Thirteen-year-old Joel had known his mother had been recently diagnosed with clinical depression and had even quit her job because it was so bad. He was upset with this because his mom meant everything to him. He didn't want her to be depressed all the time. It just wasn't fair._

"_She's a good person, she doesn't deserve this," he would think to himself on a regular daily basis._

_Then, as Joel came home from school one day, he had a flashback to when he was about eight-years-old. His mother had asked him and Sonny to help her bake some cookies. When the cookies were done and cooled off, the three of them happily munched on the sweet treats. Joel could remember the look on his mom's face – she looked so happy._

_Then, he had an idea. He was going to bake some chocolate chip cookies to cheer up his mother._

_Once the cookies were done and cooled off, Joel walked into his parents' bedroom with a plate of cookies in his left hand. _They were a little burnt and Joel had a feeling that they weren't as good as his mother's, even though he did follow her recipe which he found stuffed in one of her cookbooks. But it's the thought that counts, right?__

"_Mom?" he called. When he got no answer, he started to worry. He turned the lights on and no one was in the bedroom. He walked out and noticed that the light from the hallway bathroom was coming out from the crack underneath the door._

_He knocked on the door softly. "Mom?"_

_No answer. Joel was really starting to worry now._

_He put the plate of cookies down on the floor and put his hand on the doorknob. He turned it and opened it, knowing that the lock was broken, and felt his heart sink as he saw the image before him. His mom was lying in the bathtub, but the water was a gross, pale red color. He could hardly even look at her face without throwing up. Her face was pale and her eyes and mouth were wide open._

_Joel couldn't move, speak, or even breathe for a few seconds. Why… why would his mom do this? Abandon everyone who loved her?_

_Joel quickly regained his senses and ran into the living room to grab the house phone. He immediately dialed 911 and he could hear an ambulance siren nearing his house about five minutes later. Tears were spilling out of his eyes and he didn't know what to do. He knew that he should have called his dad and told him about this, but how could he? How could he tell his father that the woman he was madly in love with just killed herself?_

_Soon, there was a quick and heavy knock on the door. "Open up!"_

_Joel ran to the door and opened it as fast as he could. Paramedics ran into the house._

"_Where's the victim?" one of them asked Joel. He pointed to the bathroom in the hallway and they immediately rushed in. A couple more paramedics came in with a gurney and about two minutes later, they were rushing his mother out of the house._

_It seemed like time was going very slow – the seconds were like hours. Joel stared at his mother's face as they rushed her out the door. It looked so lifeless, so full of pain and discomfort. He should have been there for his mother instead of making those damn cookies. He could have stopped her. He just knew he could._

_Unfortunately, time had sped up again and his mother was gone just like that. That was the last time Joel saw his mother until her funeral._

Joel tried to rush into the back of the ambulance, but he was stopped by one of the paramedics.

"Excuse me, sir, but there's been an accident here and we can't have people near the victim," the paramedic said in an annoyed tone.

"He's my friend. I'm the one who called you guys here!" Joel growled.

"Oh my god, my baby!" a feminine voice shrieked in pure terror.

Joel turned around to see a woman with long, wavy black hair running towards the ambulance. The same paramedic that stopped Joel stopped her.

"Are you Ms. Angela Moore?" the paramedic asked her.

"Yes, I am. Now, let me see my child!" the woman yelled with tears rolling down her face.

"Go ahead," the paramedic sighed, moving his arm so Angela could reach the ambulance.

She turned to Joel.

"Joel, come with me. I need to talk to you."

Joel stiffened up before he quickly nodded and moved away from the paramedic. He walked into the ambulance with Angela.

**Sonny's POV**

_Fuck. I feel so fucking weak. What… what happened? Wait… I remember –!_

Sonny shot up from his lying position and opened his eyes. A hand softly grabbed his shoulder. He quickly turned his head to the side to see who it was.

"Sonny, lay back down. You'll pass out again," a soft female voice said. It was Angela.

Sonny nodded weakly and lay back down.

"I was so worried about you," Angela said with tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, mom," Sonny's voice was hoarse and cracked when he spoke.

"It's okay. Here," Angela said, giving Sonny a small plastic cup of water, "drink something."

Sonny sat up and took the plastic cup, drinking the water in it. He sighed and lay back down.

"Sonny…" Angela spoke up, "why did you do this?"

Sonny looked back at his mother with a sad expression. He couldn't do this. His mother's face was just so full of pain. Her eyes were puffy and red like she had been crying for a while. Sonny hated it when his mother cried.

"I… I don't know…" Sonny whispered.

He couldn't tell his mother the truth. He couldn't hurt her any more than he already had.

"Then why is the word 'faggot' in your arm?" Angela asked, "Sonny, are you being bullied at school?"

Sonny stayed silent again. He really didn't want to answer that question. He had thought that Joel was faking their renewed friendship, but he also wanted to hold on to the small sliver of hope that Joel actually wasn't faking anything.

"Yes, he _was_ being bullied," a shaky voice said.

Sonny looked at the door and saw Joel standing there. His body was shaking and he was holding onto his arm nervously.

"He's not going to be bullied anymore. I'm going to take care of him at school."

Angela stared at Joel as he spoke. "If you knew he was being bullied, why didn't you do anything before?"

"Mom, please don–"

"Sonny," Joel cut the black-haired teen off, "it's fine. Let me speak."

Joel turned back to face Angela. "I was bullying him. I didn't know how much pain it caused him. I'm… I'm sorry."

Sonny could feel the anger radiating off of his mother.

"Sorry?!" she yelled, standing up, "Sorry?! My son almost _killed himself _because of you and you just say you're 'sorry'?!"

"Mom, stop it!" Sonny shouted. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes. This was just too much for him right now.

"What's going on in here?!" a female voice spoke up. Joel, Angela, and Sonny turned their heads to face a nurse who was standing in the doorway behind Joel.

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you two," the nurse pointed to Angela and Joel, "to leave. We can't have the patient under more stress than necessary."

"I'm sorry, but this is my son. I'm not going to leave him here by himself!"

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but you would have to leave in thirty minutes anyway. Visiting time is almost over," the nurse stated.

Angela looked over at Sonny and sighed. She looked back over at the nurse.

"How long does he have to stay here?" she asked.

"It depends on how well he's doing. We're at least going to keep him here overnight under suicide watch."

Angela sighed again and nodded. She walked over to the doorway to exit the room. She turned to the nurse.

"When are visiting hours?"

"Nine A.M. to midnight, ma'am," the nurse stated.

Angela nodded before moving past the nurse and Joel and made her way down the hallway. Joel looked at Sonny. Sonny tried to read any emotion off of Joel, but he couldn't find any. Was he mad? Was he upset? Was he even… happy?

_No, he couldn't be happy, _Sonny thought to himself as he saw Joel's puffy red eyes. _Was he really crying for me? Again? We were basically enemies ever since middle school. How can he just do a complete one-eighty? But then again, Joel is always pulling one-eighties, whether it's legit or him faking it._

Sonny let out a yawn as the nurse turned off his hospital bedroom light.

"Goodnight, Mr. Moore," the nurse said before she closed his door.

"Goodnight," Sonny let out a small yawn again before drifting to sleep.

_Sonny was screaming. He didn't want to scream, but he couldn't help it. His mother's limp body was lying in their hallway bathroom tub. Sonny dared to take a step closer, which he immediately regretted. The water in the bathtub was a sickening dark red color. There was a huge gash in his mother's left arm._

_Sonny dropped to his knees with his head in his hands. He let out a blood-curdling scream._

"_This isn't real!" he screamed, "Mom! Wake up! You can't do this to me, mom! MOM!"_

Sonny shot up from his bed, drenched in sweat and gasping heavily. He looked around the room and suddenly remembered where he was – in the hospital. He let out a sigh of relief before lying back down on the slightly uncomfortable hospital mattress.

He stared at the ceiling and let out a stressed sigh.

_When will things get better?_

* * *

**A/N: OH MY GOD EVERYONE I AM SO SORRY!**

**I wrote this chapter about a month or so ago and I can't believe I didn't post it here because I posted it on Wattpad and DeviantART. Please forgive me - I am SO sorry about this!**


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